$400 block of cheese, $15K gold vibrator

Are you dreaming of a Goop Christmas?

Aptly titled “The Ridiculous but Awesome Gift Guide,” Gwyneth Paltrow‘s Goop revealed the priciest wish list for this holiday season, including a $14,500 artisanal backgammon set, a $15,000 gold-plated vibrator and a $400 hunk of Parmesan cheese — oh, my.

The list, just one of the 10 curated guides by Goop, also names experiences for the thrill-seeker in your life, such as a $9,000 Zero-G experience, a week-long airship “luxury” cruise to the North Pole — price available upon request (read: way out of budget) — and a $30,000 stay at a solar-powered safari camp.

Then there’s the jewelry: a large Pavé Oera Bracelet from Tabeyer for just under $30,000, a Sauer Zaha One-Diamond Ring for $19,800, and a pair of glittering butterfly earrings from DeBeers with their price also available upon request.

Clearly, there’s a reason for the guide’s “ridiculous” title.

Much of the items are in the range of thousands of dollars — a studio gong and stand, a 53-piece bar cart and Chanel roller skates — but the Goop team also threw in tickets to a magic show, starting at $120, a gong workshop, and a hunk of 24-month aged Parmesan cheese from Regalis selling for just under $400.

“This Parmigiano Reggiano DOP comes from Valserena Soladibruna, the oldest dairy in Parma — and one of only four dairies making Parmigiano Reggiano from the milk of brown cows,” the cheese description reads, in part. “In other words, it’s the wheel deal (sorry).”

However, Goop’s other guides offer more affordable gift ideas, such as a therapy notebook or workout sets from the “Wellness Guide“; kitchenware and accessories for the avid chef in the family; and eclectic cocktail napkins or martini glasses as gifts for the one who always hosts.

For those on a tight budget, however, Goop also has a guide for items under $100, including a $55 hair mask, ornaments, serums and cosmetics.

It wouldn’t be a Goop Christmas without the “Lover’s Guide,” of course, which shamelessly lists an array of sex toys, lingerie and a “Dirty Santa” candle, reminiscent of Paltrow’s viral “vagina” sconce.

The wellness and lifestyle brand also created guides for men and kids, as well as a “Forward-to-Your-SO” guide, featuring all the designer pieces and skincare products a girl could want.

Paltrow, however, is no stranger to the absurd, raising eyebrows earlier this year for participating in “rectal ozone therapy” and a strict diet of vegetables and bone broth.