More crap from careless Netflix

The real mystery is why they made a second one. 

Netflix has padded its catalog of cinematic background noise some more with “Murder Mystery 2,” the instantly forgettable sequel to its rancid whodunit comedy starring Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler as married crime solvers. 

In the first film, the Spitzes (who, in an early indicator of James Vanderbilt’s script’s level of humor, a pilot calls the Sh-tzes) stumbled into amateur sleuthing like Miss Marple. Nick (Sandler) was an NYPD officer and Audrey (Aniston) was a hairdresser.

This time they’re pros like Hercule Poirot. 

They’re summoned to the luxurious private island of their uber-rich friend from the last movie, the Maharaja (Adeel Akhtar), to attend his wedding to girlfriend Claudette (Mélanie Laurent).

Set at a stunning resort, the start of the movie is “The Slight Lotus.” 

At the ritzy ceremony, complete with fleeting choreographed dancing and an elephant, the Maharajah’s bodyguard is murdered and the Maharaja is kidnapped. 

The Spitzes start clumsily questioning the suspects, each one more boring than the last.

There’s Francisco (Enrique Arce), a former soccer player and lothario who announces, “I have made love to 10,000 women”; the bride Claudette, who was forced to sign a suffocating prenup; his sister Saira (Kuhoo Verma), who loves attention; Countess Sekou (Jodie Turner-Smith, so much better than this) and the colonel (John Kani), who the Maharaja denied a promotion.

When Colonel Miller (Mark Strong) from MI6 shows up to take over the case, the anonymous kidnapper calls and demands $60 million delivered to the very unassuming Arc de Triomphe in Paris in exchange for their captive. Sandler jokingly, unbearably calls it “the Arc de Tree Hump?”

“I don’t want these buffoons involved anymore!,” announces Claudette. 

As Aniston and Sandler are so uncharacteristically charmless and unfunny here while they scream and flail around Paris, we can’t help but agree with her.

In the City of Lights, Audrey and Nick become suspects themselves after the drop-off is bungled, and the French police are on the hunt for them. So, they must find the kidnapper and prove their innocence. 

They stop by some notable Paris spots along the way, such as the Opera Garnier, which they don’t take advantage of as fabulously as the new “John Wick: Chapter 4” does. 

The biggest action sequence — still meh — in director Jeremy Garelick’s movie goes down at the Eiffel Tower and its famous restaurant, which brings to mind the worst-reviewed MGM James Bond flick of all time, “A View To A Kill.” 

At least that Eiffel Tower chase had Roger Moore and Grace Jones.

When the identity of the murderer is revealed and and they suffer their eventual demise, the whole business is painfully uninteresting.

Netflix also is responsible for the “Knives Out” series, and while “Glass Onion” didn’t make my eyes water, Rian Johnson’s send-up of Agatha Christie is leagues better than this formulaic, soulless schlock. 

The streamer’s “Murder Mystery 2” amounts to nothing more than a free vacation for Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler.