‘SNL’ spoofs George Santos’ OnlyFans use, deploys panda to Biden presser

NBC’s “Saturday Night Live” delved into Rep. George Santos’ campaign’s dubious spending on things like OnlyFans and Botox and poked fun at panda diplomacy overshadowing President Joe Biden’s summit with his Chinese counterpart.

Santos, portrayed by Bowen Yang, was questioned by Weekend Update co-host Colin Jost following a scathing ethics report released last week that revealed the lyin’ Long Island Republican abused his campaign funds for his own personal pleasures.

“This has not been a good week for you,” Jost said before listing off the questionable purchases made with thousands of Santos’ campaign dollars, which include subscriptions for the amateur porn site OnlyFans, Botox, and purchases made at Sephora and Hermes.

“Oh please,” Santos replied. “Isn’t Congress kind of like OnlyFans anyways? People paying you to do nasty things on a sad, bad livestream?”

Santos, who has said he will not run for reelection in 2024, then faked a phone call from Pink, Christina Aguilera, Lil’ Kim, and Mya about taking on a role in a sequel to “Lady Marmalade.”

“Everything out of your mouth is a lie!” Jost fires back moments before Santos took another supposed phone call, using a baby as a receiver, to discuss plans for Friendsgiving with Martha Stewart.

“It’s the new iPhone Baby,” Santos insists.

“Oh Colin, everyone jokes about me, but you all know the truth. You’re going to miss me when I’m gone,” Santos adds, pulling a plastic cup out from under the desk before rattling off his own version of “Cups” from Pitch Perfect.

Earlier during the show’s open, President Joe Biden, played by Mikey Day, discussed his meeting earlier this week with Chinese President Xi Jinping, before he was joined by Tian Tian, one of the three pandas brought back to China from the National Zoo in Washington, DC.

“I’m honored to be here, but am I the only one that was surprised that the presidents of the two biggest economies in the world met, and everyone’s just like, ‘What’s up with the pandas?’” Tian Tian, portrayed by Yang, said.

“I mean, like I get it. I’m hot, I’m smart, I’m alluringly asexual, but there have to be bigger issues, right?” he added.

Biden then called on reporters, whose questions seemingly all pivoted from inquiring about Biden’s meeting with Xi to the Chinese leaders’ promise of new pandas arriving in the US.

“President Biden, Trump’s team has announced they will replace all federal workers with Trump loyalists,” asks a reporter, played by Andrew Dismukes. “My question is: Panda, did you like America?”

“Honestly, I loved it,” Yang replied. “There’s so much I’m going to miss. Legal weed… Anyway, going back to China, it’s going to be a big change. I mean, I don’t know anyone in China. I haven’t been back since I was a baby, and now I have to make friends as an adult? Yuck.”

Another reporter, played by Marcello Hernandez, then asks Yang about Xi calling pandas “envoys of friendship.”

Yang, between bites of bamboo, replies, “As the rare person who identifies as black, white, and Chinese, I feel like I’m in the unique position to unite many peoples of the world. I’m just like another hot ‘blasian’ icon: Tiger Woods.”

Biden then takes back the podium, telling Tian Tian they’re not so different.

“We’re dads. We’re cute. People love sharing videos of us falling down,” Biden said.

The episode was hosted by Jason Momoa and featured musical guest Tate_McRae.