Is this 2023’s cringiest corporate Christmas video?

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When we posted about Blackstone and Apollo’s Christmas videos yesterday, we knew there was a danger that we’d be sent more videos.

Sadly, mainFT’s Ian Johnston has delivered, with this unlisted offering from Oil Brokerage, a London-based, uh, oil brokerage. Sure, it’s not as prominent as Wall Street’s private equity giants, but this is pretty special:

For those who have to pretend they’re actually working on the second Friday before Christmas, or are of a nervous disposition, the video description says:

Recorded at London’s world famous Abbey Road studios; the team at OB have a unique Christmas message to share the best wishes of the season with all of our wonderful clients.

The video is in two parts:

— an oil-trading themed cover of Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” (some bottles visible)
— a completely vanilla cover of Oasis’s “Champagne Supernova” (with substantially more bottles visible)

We’ll assume you can find the lyrics to second offering. Here’s the first (their caps):

It’s Window time, there’s no need to be a flake
At Window time, we let in bids and encourage trade
And in our world of OB we can spread a smile of joy
Ship your arbs abound the world at Window time
Don’t be a bear, pay for the offered tonnes
At Window time it’s hard, bulls are all having fun

There’s a short outside the window
In a world of fear and dread
But here the only water flowing
Is in bitter, gin and beers
And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God they’re short instead of you

And there won’t be flow in Other Shops this Christmas time
The greatest chat they’ll get this year’s on ICE
Where Gasoil never flows
No Jet nor Diesel shows
Do they know it’s Window time at all?

Here’s to bulls
Raise the ask for everyone
Here’s to bears
Underneath your draw down son
Do they know it’s Window time at all?

Trade the Brent
Trade Dubai
Trade the size
Let them know it’s Window time again
Trade FFAs
Let them know it’s Window time again
Trade the Freight
Let them know it’s Fixing time again
Trade Med/North
Let them know it’s Window time again
Trade Light Ends
Let them know it’s Window time again
Trade Nat Gas
Let them know it’s Window time again

Time to crack out the voice again:

— why would you record at Abbey Road and then post a version that was seemingly recorded on a phone?
— why, when choosing to create a cover Christmas song about commodity trading, would you pick the one prominent Christmas song that’s (however hamfistedly) about destitution in Africa, a contributing cause of which is a history of rapacious commodity trading?
— why would you begin a group singalong of “Champagne Supernova” when you don’t know the lyrics to the second verse?
— why would you publish a video of the ropey group singalong of “Champagne Supernova”, a song which has nothing to do with Christmas, as part of your Christmas video?
— WHY?

If you are aware of any further Christmas videos from financial organisations that should know better, please contact us in the comments or via the usual channel.