‘Barbie’ Oscar chances on life support after SAG Awards 2024

So much for the fake industry outrage over Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie being left off the director and actress Oscar nominations lists.

A gigantic sector of that very same industry — actors — shut out the peppy, pink movie entirely during the 2024 SAG Awards at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles on Saturday night.

Pity the doll. “Barbie” lost everything: actress (Robbie), supporting actor (Ryan Gosling) and ensemble — SAG’s best picture equivalent, which many predicted it would eek out.

Nope. Its Malibu dreams have been crushed.

“Oppenheimer” emerged victorious — again — and will almost definitely win best picture in two weeks.

“Poor Things”? Poor movie. “Killers of the Flower Moon”? Eclipsed. An “American Fiction” surprise triumph? Fictional. “The Holdovers”? Held over.

So many names called out at the SAGs were as predictable as the date of Christmas. 

I sound more alive during a 9 a.m. Zoom meeting than these stars, who’ve been giving weekly speeches for months, did on Saturday.

Da’Vine Joy Randolph took home supporting actress — again — for “The Holdovers” and Robert Downey Jr. succeeded in supporting actor — again — for “Oppenheimer.” At the Oscars, they’ll both come out on top. Again!

Hopefully there they can muster a tear or two for we bored plebs watching at home.

The SAGs did, however, set up two hot races.

The most exciting is between the night’s best actress winner, Lily Gladstone of “Killers of the Flower Moon,” and Emma Stone for “Poor Things.” The women are neck and neck.

After her Golden Globe triumph for actress in a motion picture – drama in January, Gladstone’s momentum crashed.

Resurgent Stone snapped up the Globe for actress – motion picture comedy, the Critics Choice Award and the BAFTA. Most figured she’d repeat the feat.

Not so fast. Now, Stone v. ‘stone is too close to call.

The other tight battle is for best actor, between SAG, BAFTA and Globe winner Cillian Murphy (“Oppenheimer”) and Globe and Critics Choice pick Paul Giamatti (“The Holdovers”).

Actors make up the largest voting bloc of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, so Irish Oppy’s got the edge. The past three SAG best actor winners have gone on to accept Oscars.

But you never know. The late Chadwick Boseman (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”), won in an emotional moment at the 2021 SAGs and then later lost to Anthony Hopkins (“The Father”) at the Academy Awards.

More jolting shocks came during the evening’s TV categories. 

Pedro Pascal (“The Last of Us”) knocked off feisty juggernaut Kieran Culkin (“Succession”) in best actor – drama. And Elizabeth Debicki (Princess Di on “The Crown”) beat Sarah Snook (“Succession) for best actress – drama. Those losses felt like twists out of, well, “Succession.”

Don’t cry for the Roys, though. HBO’s series still won ensemble – TV drama. And in the comedy awards, FX’s “The Bear” mauled.

So, what of the show itself? The SAG Awards streamed live on Netflix for the first time, was hostless, took just over two hours and had no commercials. Sounds great, right?

Meh. The broadcast still sagged.

Last year’s fabulous ceremony, by comparison, was full of surprises (Michelle Yeoh defeating Cate Blanchett, Brendan Fraser besting Austin Butler) and riveting emotional speeches from the likes of Ke Huy Quan and Jamie Lee Curtis.

This year’s shindig, on the other hand, was slow and solemn.

The most redeeming parts were a few cuddly reunions during presentations.

Meryl Streep took the stage with her “Devil Wears Prada” co-stars Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt, who quoted classic lines from the fashion mag comedy. Hathaway even wore a cerulean dress for the occasion.

And twenty years after “Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” won best ensemble, actors Elijah Wood and Sean Astin — Frodo and Sam — brought the Shire back to the Shrine. Somehow those respective hobbits are now, gulp, 43 and 53 years old.

Barbra Streisand also added some gravitas as she accepted her life achievement award.

“I wanted to be in the movies, even though I knew I didn’t look like the other women on the screen,” the “Funny Girl” star, 81, told the crowd of her Flatbush childhood.

“My mother said, ‘you better learn to type.’”

A funny girl, indeed.

SAGs: check! Now, there are only two weeks to go until National ‘Oppenheimer’ Appreciation Day.

Er, sorry, I mean the Oscars.