‘Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3’ review: Gross and tiresome

It’s the 32nd Marvel Cinematic Universe movie, which means we’ve reached the point where they’re telling us the weepy origin story of a talking raccoon.

Rocket (voiced by Bradley Cooper) is the order of the day in “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3,” the final entry in the trilogy, in which the furry wiseguy is nearly killed and his co-heroes must chase down the assailant within 48 hours to save his little life.

Writer-director James Gunn’s choice to focus on Rocket is an easily emotional one. Animals — even ones who sound like chain-smokers — reliably deliver tears. (This will be a difficult watch for some viewers.)

So, Gunn’s dark film is filled with flashbacks to caged critters (an otter, rabbit and walrus) who speak English in squeaky, Saturday-morning-cartoon voices, like a remedial “Secret of NIMH.”

Yet, the film’s fuzzy heart is overwhelmed by its out-of-control weirdness. Gunn, whose therapist has his work cut out for him, has made a grotesque and often disturbing movie that’s much too bizarre for its own good.

The key to Rocket’s survival lies at Orgocorp, a corporate front for a eugenics-obsessed maniac called the High Evolutionary (Chukwudi Iwuji). For years, the villain has been trying to engineer the perfect society, creating and killing his trials along the way. 

Confusingly, utopia for him means human-size talking turtles and octopi living in suburban homes on a carbon-copy of Earth.

The High Evolutionary’s machinations, despite an intense, shout-to-the-sky performance of the old school from Iwuji, are all extremely melodramatic and Iowa-flat.

Rocket was one of his early experiments, and he wants his scientific data back.

To rescue Rocket, the villain is pursued by the Guardians: Peter Quill (Chris Pratt), Drax (Dave Bautista), Mantis (Pom Klementieff), Nebula (Karen Gillan) and Groot (Vin Diesel, still somehow getting paid to barely voice this character).

Gamora (Zoe Saldana), who still has no memory of her past with Peter, reluctantly comes along, too. And Maria Bakalova (“Borat Subsequent Moviefilm”) voices a golden retriever named Cosmo who isn’t funny.

The misfit team’s constant punchlines and I’m-just-busting-your-chops dynamic have grown exhausting. They’ve become the guy at the party who thinks he’s hilarious but is actually just drunk. 

In the first two films, the crew would make jokes to diffuse tension, whereas here they do it just to hear themselves talk. And, now that comedy is such a regular part of the MCU, the Guardians no longer feel unique. It’s time to give ’em the hook.

The utopia-via-laboratory aspects of “Vol. 3” resemble “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” — only it’s the Wrath of Gunn. This chilling paperweight clocks in at 2 hours and 30 minutes, making it the fourth-longest Marvel film so far. And it’s wildly self-indulgent.

Gunn’s preferred aesthetic is stomach-churning. Orgocorp’s spaceship lair, the Orgoscope, is pulsing, living tissue that looks like a harvested organ. On-screen offal. Henchmen wear lumpy, pink, intestine-like bodysuits. And many of the baddies give off a distinct “Beneath the Planet of the Apes” mutant vibe. The animal-human hybrids are warped, too. A giant, menacing warrior pig talks like Dora the Explorer.

Elizabeth Debicki and Will Poulter — colored in gold, head to toe — also play two bumbling agents of the High Evolutionary whose purposes are inexplicable.  

Gunn clearly wanted to create his own hard-hitting epic, a la “Avengers: Endgame,” with a film that plays no grander role in the MCU except to set the individual Guardians on new courses. 

The director’s own new course is as co-head of the rival DC Studios. Here’s hoping that as he takes the reins, he can rein in his own unwieldy impulses.