I have a flexible role but the one I want isn’t — what next?

This week’s problem

I’m an accountant at a large firm. It is high pressure but I have the flexibility to spend time with my children, and then push when needed by the business. I would love to move to a role in a single company rather than answering to many audit partners, but I am reluctant. The jobs available are full time, and full on, which I can’t do right now. I feel trapped. What’s the best approach? Female, 30s

Jonathan’s answer

You are feeling trapped between two choices: a current job where you have many bosses to answer to, and potential roles that appear too inflexible for you to have sufficient time with your children. When there appears to be no good choice, it can feel that you have no or limited control in your life.

Are your choices quite so distinct, or are there nuanced options between the two extremes you describe? Could you reduce the number of projects you work on concurrently in the role you have now, or find a new position that offers part-time options or working from home for some of the time? While this latter may mean less emphasis on your career ambitions, it might be worth the trade off.

Anna Lundberg, performance coach and founder of One Step Outside, recommends a first step of assessing what matters most to you in your career and your life. There is, she says, just one priority, “not many, and not a list”. “Which is your one . . . non-negotiable element,” she asks.

Having established what’s essential for you, what is important, and what would be just nice to have, consider whether your employer could offer you these elements. Large firms tend to have formal development reviews that are ideal opportunities for an open discussion.

You may find that your firm is willing to be more flexible to support staff retention. You’ll be able to assess whether the firm can and indeed will offer you what you want. You have found only “full-time, full-on” roles in other organisations, but with your list of criteria could you now be more flexible and broaden your search and investigation?

“There is a season for fulfilling your most ambitious career goals,” Lundberg says, “and that may not be now, given the ages of your children.” It is worth taking time to think about this, but with a supportive employer, you could maintain your career development and have enough time with your children.

If your employer can accommodate flexibility in your role, then that will satisfy your essential needs; however, if they can’t, then it sounds as though family life is as important as your career, and you will be well served by seeking another role. Whatever you do, Lundberg recommends you make an “intentional decision” and not drift into some minor change, but be active and clear on what your next step will be and why you are taking it.

Readers’ advice

There are many interesting accounting jobs in finance divisions of banks, which would be happy to provide flexible work arrangements. Start establishing contacts — LinkedIn is good if you don’t have existing names. HC2

If it is just flexibility over when you do the work, and you can demonstrate you log back on at 8.30pm to 10pm, and throw in some hours at the weekend, then apply and at interview explain what “full time” means to you. Housewife

As a woman in a similar position a few years ago, I applied for roles I wanted that were advertised as full time. Following interview, once the hiring manager had decided they wanted me, I stated the conditions under which I was willing to accept. If they want you, they will negotiate. WYWUAS

Jonathan Black is director of the Careers Service at the University of Oxford. Every fortnight he answers your questions on personal and career development and working life. Do you have a question for him? Email: dear.jonathan@ft.com