John Stamos nearly became a Scientology in 80s: ‘Creepy as f—k’

John Stamos had a near miss with Scientology. 

In his explosive memoir, “If You Would Have Told Me,” (which is now out), Stamos, 60, detailed a near-miss he had with the controversial Church of Scientology in the 1980s. 

It all started when his former acting teacher’s assistant slipped him some Scientology books. 

 “I’m walking to my car and Mia runs out and hands me my workbooks,” Stamos wrote in his book.

“‘Hey, you forgot these.’ She adds an extra book, the size of a brick, to my stack. ‘Start with this one,’ she says, smiling. ‘I think it will open your eyes to some amazing things.’”

She encouraged him to meet him at an address that Stamos later discovered was Scientology’s Celebrity Centre in Hollywood.

“I crack open the book while on my shift at Yellow Basket [restaurant],” Stamos wrote. “There’s a lot about control: controlling your reactionary mind, controlling energy, controlling space and controlling time.”

However, unlike famous celebs who have been linked with Scientology, like Tom Cruise, Elisabeth Moss, John Travolta, or (allegedly) Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, Stamos’ relationship with the Church only lasted a few minutes. 

So, if anyone knows where the famously and allegedly missing “First lady of Scientology,” Shelly Miscavige is, it’s probably not John Stamos. 

Stamos said he was put off by the Celebrity Centre when he visited, describing it as “grand, ornate and creepy as f–k — a cross between Chateau Marmont, Disney’s Haunted Mansion and a mental hospital.”

Stamos still went inside, however, and participated in a famous Scientology “auditing” session. 

“All I can think about is the Wayback Machine from The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show deployed by the genius beagle, Mr. Peabody, and his adopted human boy, Sherman, to time travel through different dimensions,” Stamos recalled. “I’m handed two round things that look like cans. I put one to my ear and the other to my mouth and mimic talking into an old timey telephone: ‘Hello, there.’”

According to Stamos, Mia was irritated with him, while “the weird little man” presiding over the session pinched him on the hand.

“He begins to question me about committing crimes, asks if I have negative thoughts about Scientology or L. Ron Hubbard and probes into some strange sex inquiries,” Stamos recalled in his book.

“The Wayback Machine needle jumps in the corner, and Mia looks disappointed. Apparently, I’m not Scientology material. Darn it.”

Stamos’ near-miss with Scientology is just one of many revelations in his book, which also includes revelations about Teri Copley allegedly cheating on him with Tony Danza, Lori Loughlin and the College Admissions Scandal, and his divorce from Rebecca Romijn. 

“If You Would Have Told Me” is in bookstores nnow.