Opossum ‘porch pirate’ steals box of 15-year-old’s birthday cookies, video shows

An opossum “porch pirate” has been captured on video in Texas stealing a 15-year-old’s box of birthday cookies from the front door of his family’s home. 

The incident on Jan. 26 happened after the “gift came a little late in the evening when the fam was probably out celebrating, so it went unnoticed into the night… which set up a seemingly impossumable theft,” the Southlake Department of Public Safety says. 

Video released by authorities shows an opossum wandering up to the entrance of the residence and then dragging away the box of treats after removing a blue birthday balloon attached to the package. 

“When you leave out deliveries for a while, you always risk the chance that a sneaky porch pirate might waltz up to your door and gank your stuff,” the Southlake Department of Public Safety said. “Often, the thief is human (and we post pix of them here), but once in a while…” 

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“Dr. M’s son was a little shocked the next morning when he saw a bag of Tiff’s Treats icing and a balloon, but no cookies,” it continued. “After a little junior detecting, the family found the mangled and empty bag of cookies in the side yard. They checked the cameras & found THIS!” 

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“Just like humans, there’s probably a lot of great opossums, but this story features an opossum that decided to break the law in its own way. That ticks us off. Get it? Cause opossums normally eat ticks, not cookies,” authorities in Southlake joked. 

They are now urging locals to “Go marsupi-all in on protecting your home from thieves today in Southlake and beyond!”