Taco Bell’s tacky Mexican Pizza makes a triumphant comeback

Taco Bell’s rereleased Mexican Pizza is tacky, ridiculous — and good enough to make me feel guilty for liking it.

I was ready to hate the mongrel marriage of pizza and burrito, a 550-calorie gut-buster that the chain revived this week after a two-year absence. It packs a stress-reducing wallop of oozy and crackling mouth feel — like the one you crave at midnight when you’re stoned, drunk, or both.

But, caramba! It also tastes swell, even if it’s not remotely Mexican.

The Taco Bell “classic” is a double-decker affair with seasoned ground beef and refried beans tucked between two crisp tortillas, and topped with melted cheese and “certified vegan” tomato fragments. Certified flavorless would be more like it.

The $4.49, fat-and-carbs bomb is filling enough to feed at least two normal humans. Its bulk is hard to manage with two hands, but it isn’t much easier with a fork, which is only useful for the meat. Expect a mess either way.

But once the crusty shell, runny cheese, moist beef and sweet-and-garlicky sauce mingle and tingle in your mouth, all is forgiven.

So what if there are also such mystery agents as disodium inosinate, guanylate and trehalose lurking between the tortillas? Or that the blend of mozzarella, cheddar and Monterey Jack registered on my tongue more like processed “cheese product” than as actual cheese?

Forget high-minded nutrition or “wellness” — it’s all in the fast-food spirit of good, goofy fun.

This week’s roll-out is Mexican Pizza’s second coming. Taco Bell brought it back after a two-year hiatus that it explained by saying, “It didn’t align with the brand’s long-term environmental impact goals.” The company specified in 2020 that “packaging contributed over seven million pounds of paperboard waste annually.”

Now — with what looks like the same paper box as before — it’s back after a consumer uproar to revive it that included a Change.org petition signed by over 170,000 fans and a song lamenting its absence by rapper Doja Cat.

 Dolly Parton got into the act, too. She and Doja Cat will soon appear in a TikTok musical  satirizing their heroic campaign to bring Mexican Pizza back to the munching millions.

We applaud your struggle, ladies. But Taco Bell better not pull the tortillas out from under us again.