‘The Marvels,’ ‘Murder Mystery 2’

How to pick just five? 

While there were plenty of gems at the movies this year (see my happier list for those), to find them, I had to sift through piles and piles of dirt.

Here are some of the films released in 2023 that had me typing “bars nearby” into Google Maps afterwards.

‘The Exorcist: Believer’

The power of Christ compelled me to give this film one star. There have been bad “Exorcist” sequels before — “II” is right up there with the worst movies ever — but I held out hope for this one because “Believer” was directed by David Gordon Green, who expertly revitalized the “Halloween” franchise. Big mistake. Here, his bright idea was having Ellen Burstyn return for 10 embarrassing minutes, after 50 years away from the series, only to have Chris MacNeil wind up with her eyes gouged out.

‘The Marvels’

Fans can argue if “The Marvels” or “Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania” is the worst Marvel Cinematic Universe debacle. But they’re really all the same multiverse gibberish at this point. What made the turgid “Marvels” particularly emblematic of the franchise’s decline, besides being its first major box-office flop, is how much arduous homework you needed to do to have a basic understanding of the plot. For starters, you had to have seen the movie “Captain Marvel,” and the Disney+ series “Secret Invasion” and “Ms. Marvel.” And once you did that … it was still lousy. 

‘What Happens Later’

I’ll have what she’s having? Not anymore. I’d like to change my order. Meg Ryan’s return to rom-coms — and her first go as the director of one — was a slog set in a dimly lit airport in which every awful line of dialogue from her and David Duchovny earned an eye roll. The sparkle and charm of her beloved films like “You’ve Got Mail” and “Sleepless in Seattle” were replaced with a low-energy slump. “When Weary Met Sally.” 

‘Murder Mystery 2’

If you thought Jennifer Aniston’s appeal was limitless, think again. “Murder Mystery 2” makes “The Morning Show” look like “The Sopranos.” Stupid comedies can be great, but this idiotic sequel that has poor Aniston and Adam Sandler play a pair of crime-solving dunces is unwatchable. For example, Sandler’s character, in Paris, calls the Arc de Triomphe “the Arc de Tree Hump.” Another project for Netflix’s Wall of Shame.

‘Shazam! Fury of the Gods’

Was it Helen Mirren dressed in a Greek goddess outfit she probably picked up at a Walmart? Or was it Steve, the enchanted, all-knowing pen? Perhaps it was a Skittles-eating unicorn saving the city of Philadelphia. Or the twice-delivered line of dialogue, “The most powerful thing about you . . . is you!” The list of reasons for this sequel’s badness is so Shazam long. After the Zachary Levi-led DC Studios movie was over, another critic texted me, “Gotta reevaluate my life choices after that.”

For more from The Post, check out the best and worst television this year — and the best and worst in music.