Which ‘Gossip Girl’ character embodies your zodiac sign?
Spotted…. season two of HBO Max’s “Gossip Girl,” premiering on December 1.
A reboot of the original TV show, based on Cecily Von Ziegesar’s book series, “Gossip Girl” follows the charmed lives and emotional turmoil of Manhattan’s teen elite as seen by an omniscient social media specter.
It’s been nearly a decade since the OG GG called it quits but the young bloods of Constance Billard-St. Jude’s have done their damndest to bring the drama, diversity and imitable fashion to the steps of the Met.
Last season left off on a fated New Year’s eve at a lavish mansion in Hudson, bc, rich kids. The beautiful people were still reeling from #tipgate and variably engaged in a take down attempt, unrequited love plea, and a ménage à trois of millionaires.
Looking ahead, queen bee Julien’s ominous note to Gossip Girl, “No more kindness, it’s time for chaos. That’s how you change the world. You take the gloves off…Mutually assured destruction, from one b**** to another,” establishes that war is coming.
We wait with baited breath.
In honor of headbands and frenemies, designer clothes and destructive tendencies we are taking a look at the zodiac signs of the latest set of “Gossip Girl” characters. Read on, and as always, XOXO.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Davis Calloway
Impulsive, prone to lashing out and then going grand with the apologies, bad dad Davis exhibits some real Aries energy. A brilliant producer but a lacking parent, Davis has no trouble going after what he want (or blocking his nemesis from attending the birth of his only child) but falters when it comes to accountability or accepting defeat/punishment, preferring to disappear rather than stay the course..
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Audrey Hope
Dating the same dude since time immemorial while fantasizing often and wildly about other people? A true Taurus move. Audrey Hope, played by real life bull Emily Alyn Lind struggles with owning her desire and breaking free of routine. Taurus is ruled by Venus, planet of beauty and literature and true to sign, our girl would rather read a book than post a story. Defiant in her own right, her curated appearance is a reaction to her mother’s athleisure empire. Aesthetics as vengeance, polygamous hedonist in hiding? Big time bull vibes
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Max Wolfe
Described by The Post as “a pansexual party king who loves getting into trouble,” Max is the clear and present Gemini of the bunch. Declaring, “I allow myself to sample everything,” Max is very much in line with the Gemini ethos of life as an experience to be flitted through and information a pollen to be recklessly disseminated after drinking too much and sleeping with everybody.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Luna La
In addition to her first name, which translate to moon, Cancer’s ruling celestial body, Luna La demonstrates some tell tale crab qualities. Played by Zión Moreno, Luna is a loyal and devoted friend to Julien. Suspicious of outsiders she is dismissive at best and cruel at worst when it comes to defending her friends or her own position as lady in waiting.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Julien Calloway
Played by IRL Leo Jordan Alexander, Julien is the queen bee of the Upper East Side. In true Leo form, she reigns supreme as the magnanimous star of the show and the Met steps. Our girl knows her angles, excels at holding court, and understands PR and her realm of influence, proudly reminding her posse, “we own this school, they work for us,” when the subject of teachers arises. An on her way to actualized Leo, she is exceedingly generous and often leverages the attention she naturally commands for the benefit of others. Like the sun itself, she is hard to stare directly at and impossible to turn away away from.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Zoya Lott
Played by Whitney Peak, Zoya is the half sister of prep school regent Julien, a fitting placement for a Virgo, as those born under this sign often feel proxy to, but not in independent possession of, the rapt attention of others. In further evidence of her Virgo status, Zoya is an exceptionally organized artist with clearly defined aspirations. Morally principled and down to earth (sign) she is unswayed by pomp, circumstance and Net-A-Porter and unfazed by taking up with the sloppy albeit humanitarian seconds of her older sis.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Kate Keller
Like many a Libra before her, teacher Kate Keller, played by Tavi Gevinson, understands the power of well placed drama, spends too much time thinking about her outfits and seeks to restore the balance of her work environment. Libra is ruled by Venus, planet of love, beauty and wordsmithery and Kate is an aspiring writer, the unofficial backslash of the Libra lot.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Gossip Girl
Back from the dead and digging up the dirt, the specter of Gossip Girl reemerges as the most Scorpionic of social media insiders. Trading in secrets, wielding power for play and operating under the guise of anonymity, GG has a sharp tongue and a scorpions tail. While in this iteration, Gossip Girl is manned by the teaching staff of Constance Billard, the overarching energy of remains as Scorpio-esque as ever. XOXO indeed.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21).
Nick Lott
The good dad, non rapey foil to fedora wearing twat wad Davis Calloway, Nick Lott expresses some of the better qualities of the Sagittarius sun sign. Left a single dad after the death of his love, suspected Sag Marion, Nick has channeled the archers penchant for optimism into raising their daughter in a loving, positive environment that encourages political activism and social ideals.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Monet de Haan
Oft dressed in the feminine equivalent of a three pice suit, Monet, played by Savannah Lee Smith, is pure strategic sea goat. Like most Capricorns, she’s great at making people feel inferior. Caps are into status, luxury goods that last, being feared, and laying the groundwork for legacies that will outlive them. True to form, Monet “rules the school proudly wielding her wealth and her sharp tongue.”
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Obie Bergmann
Described by Julian as the “guilty rich,” Obie embodies the dual planetary rulership that defines Aquarius. A scion turned activist, Obie is a political idealist embarrassed by his pedigree. Caught between the old guard (Saturn) and the new revolution (Uranus) Obie doesn’t care what he looks like, arriving “rumpled and sweaty” and distributes protest pins as love token. Bless his wellmeaning, morally superior and low key cheatin’ heart.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Aki Menzies
Soft spoken, empathetic, suspected Pisces Aki Menzies played by Evan Mock, lives quite literally among the clouds in his mother’s high rise Park Avenue apartment, a fitting locale for a sign that struggles to keep feet on ground and dreams separate from waking life. Described by the Gossip Girl Wiki as “a shy film enthusiast who loves to skate,” Aki is a pure, pink haired, left angle in the love triangle kind of Pisces.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
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