Your ‘Super Mario Bros.’ character based on your zodiac sign
Take-a that!
Fresh from the mushroom kingdom, “The Super Mario Bros. Movie” is sitting pretty and mustached atop the box office for a record breaking five-week streak.
The movie based on the popular Nintendo game – which The Post unceremoniously described as “lousy” has earned more than $1 billion globally according to the Hollywood Reporter, making it the tenth animated film in history to do so.
Mario was born from the imagination of Scorpio designer and dog breeder Shigeru Miyamoto, the “Father of Modern Video Games” and the man behind “Mario,” “Donkey Kong,” “The Legend of Zelda,” “Metroid” and “Pikmin.”
The first video game edition of Super Mario Bros. was released in 1983 and in the forty years since the franchise has debuted, the Nintendo game has spawned games (“Mario Kart” anyone?), movies and inspired an absolutely rabid fan base.
In honor of the latest wild success of this legacy brand, we’re taking a look at the Super Mario characters as zodiac signs. Read on to learn more and level up!
Mario
Super Mario Bros. was released in video game form on April 4, 1983 making the titular character an Aries. Subsequent iterations have shown Mario to be an eager and enthusiastic athlete that takes losses hard and heroism seriously and is always, always ready to reenter the fray. This cardinal fire sign goes for bold, lives for love, power ups and a villain banishing quest for greatness. Fearless with a taste for the color red, Mario is pure Aries fire power.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Bowser
Fun fact: Bowser was originally designed as an ox rather than a turtle, the former being a close cousin of the bull, the symbol for the zodiac sign of Taurus. In addition to his beast of burden origin story, Bowser has trouble expressing his emotions and can transform himself into a large, immovable rock, the metaphorical equivalent of a Taurus with hurt feelings.
As fixed earth, Taurus is born tough and built to endure and Bowser is no exception, virtually indestructible he always rises to fight another day and force commitment on Princess Peach by means of kidnapping and extortion, big time bull vibes. Runner up would be restaurant loving, pout heavy, flower power Princess Daisy.
Toad
Ruled by Mercury and emblematic of the liminal, Gemini is hard to nail down, accurately describe or truly understand, qualities that could easily be applied to Toad who is all things and nothing, without creed, judgment or gender. Deeply curious and ever questioning the fabric of reality and the construct of time, Toad displays some of the finer points of the Gemini archetype. Toad’s most prominent accessory is his mushroom cap and coincidentally, most Geminis could benefit from psilocybin therapy.
Princess Peach
A formidable damsel with the ability to cure curses, Princess Peach is a prototypical Cancer. Her fragility is a bit of a front as she consistently proves herself capable of both personal survival and the rescue of others. Peaches Designer Shigeru Miyamoto advised illustrators that Peach should “look stubborn, but a little cute,” which coincidentally is how Cancers appear when they’ve been emotionally wounded, personally offended or unable to reach their quota of affection/attention.
Donkey Kong
Leos are natural performers and true romantics who rule the heart. In kind, Donkey Kong’s signature move is beating his fist against his chest and his character’s first on screen move was absconding with Mario’s girlfriend. Leos are born wanting to be recognized for the regal beings that they are and oft style and accessorize to match their presumed station; enter Kong, he of the iconic hair and monogrammed tie. Runner up with the blue hair and the child star energy goes to Ludwig von Koopa.
Luigi
I understand that on principle that Mario and Luigi are twins and would thus fall under the same zodiac sign but these are strange times we’re living in and the contrast betwixt them seems deserving of individual astrological consideration. Green like the verdant earth itself, friendly, mercurial, helpful and airing on the side of cautious survival, Luigi is the measured, borderline anxious Virgo compliment to Mario’s guns blazing, damsel saving Aries energy.
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Yoshi
Represented by the scales and balances of justice, Libra folk are motivated by a need to keep the peace and appearances up. Natural people pleasers and conflict avoiders, it tracks that a Libra like Yoshi would go to extreme ends to be needed/appreciated/part of the team, including but not limited to carrying a character of equal weight on his back. Bless.
King Boo
As Master of Illusions capable of exerting mind control, leading legions and sneaking up on the unsuspecting, King Boo is essentially a caricature of the Scorpio archetype. With his pension for ghost conjuring, dark magic, and grudge holding the king of the boos is a shadow self ruled, fixed water power player.
Wario
Sagittarius energy is big on escape, adventure, abundance and expansion. At its highest expression it is, to quote Lucinda Williams, “A poet on a motorcycle.” On the lower end of the spiritual spectrum, the motorcycle remains but the poet is polluted into a war mongering, greed is good, chip on my shoulder and kink in my mustache kind of villain.
Cranky Kong
Capricorn is ruled by task master Saturn and as such is synonymous with the old guard, hard lessons and unapologetic dad vibes. Punishing when it comes to performance, sea goats have high expectations of themselves and others. Enter white haired elder statesman, Cranky Kong. Cane wielding and superiority complex nursing, he lives for the opportunity to protect and shame his progeny in equal measure. Tough love, all Capricorn,
Penguin King
In terms of elements and modalities, Aquarius is fixed air, a metaphor for the flightless penguin if ever there were one. As a well intentioned leader with questionable defense tactics, otherwise known as a snowball offensive, the regal Penguin King demonstrates some of the more memorable qualities of the Aquarius contingent.
Kamek
Pisces is the last sign in the zodiac and as such represents the accumulated knowledge and experience of everything that proceeds it. In kind, or evil as it were, Kamek is a wizard in the winter of his life. Pisces rules the pivotal, edge of existence twelfth house and Kamek’s power is great enough to banish his enemies to the edge of the universe. Pisces have a reputation for deep empathy but the underbelly of this is a pension or utter nihilism, a quality expressed in the ‘burn it all to the ground while I levitate on my broomstick’ modality of Kamek.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weir
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